Cult-Trash-Badass-Cinema -and more…

Archive for October, 2012

The new Van Damme Blu Rays…WTF?


I must say I´m so very dissapointed in whoever greenlit these covers.

Why not keep the old artwork of the movie-posters?

These are hackjobs of the worst kind, the blue and grey makes it look so cheap, but seems like a trend there.

Luckily, there are different artworks, depending on the country they get released in…the french Death Warrant looks halfway decent and actually has a picture from the film..they put a frickin scene out of Lionheart on there and a badly photoshopped face..holy cow that`s a hackjob if I have ever seen one!!

They just don`t care it seems….

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The Expendables 2 Review


Hey there..back to writing reviews, finally. I wasn`t in the mood the past few weeks , but

Now I feel the need again.

This time it`s The Expendables 2.

And I must say-this film is truly expendable. I wanted to like it, I really did. The first one was a huge disappointment already, I was hoping that it gets better. But in my opinion, it didn`t.

Again, the story is something everybody could write down in a minute on the toilet.

When I have the feeling, that I could have written a better story, that`s when I begin to feel cheated. It is not a low-budget crap movie..it`s some of the biggest names of action cinema!  With that amount of star power, how can you let it become such a poor movie? And that twice, holy cow.

It feels like the last writer`s strike never ended. I was kinda excited for Van Damme as the villain, and for a few minutes I tried to sugarcoat it…but I gave up soon.

His accent , which I normally have little problems with, eventhough he should`ve gotten a few lessons to improve his english, he never did, and here he makes it only worse. The way he says challenge there is just so terrible. Why did nobody say: “ Hey JC, it`s challenge, not challANGE!” Please try that again. And all the shit about the goat and satan and all that..WTF? Terrible. Plus the respect and honor crap, when it`s crystal clear that he doesn`t have any of that?  And killing off the “character” with the weakest background and oh so heartbreaking Afghanistan story?  In the beginning I thought they might kill Rourke`s character, even without actually seeing him, since he obviously didn`t return, it would`ve made more sense, revenge-wise. Opening with a huge onslaught of action that doesn`t mean anything for the following “plot”? What a waste. Even the finale didn`t provide that much action. They surely shot a lot of people, but it wasn`t the same scale as the opening.

Chuck Norris comes outta nowhere, making no sense. And the Chuck Norris jokes were lame.

Also, the I´ll be back and Yippi-kay-yea..so forced and not funny. You might say” It was never intended to have a good story  etc..”..maybe. If so, this kind of  retro-action-parody isn`t for me. I have no desire to watch this again anytime soon. It just has no rewatchability for me.

Just a bunch of missed opportunities. I could think of several scenes that would`ve made a difference. Make Stallone box Lundgren, even in a training situation-you got a nod to Rocky 4. Make Van Damme split and punch someone in the nuts-nod to Bloodsport..and so on.. Even the final fight of Stallone and Van Damme was too short and one-sided. Universal Soldier 4  kicks more ass than this one. Simon West delievered decent action, but all pieces together, it didn`t tickle me much. During the movie I really only waited for the final fight and it was too short.

In the end, maybe it was too silly for my taste. If I want silly, there is always Jackie Chan or Adam Sandler…doesn`t work for me with the action stars of yesterday. The action is decent, but to me felt aimless and uninspired. Ok, enough of the bashing.  I couldn`t invest my feelings into this one, it felt ..well..expendable. The Expendables movies will never find the way into my collection, because I see no long-time value here. I rather  watch me some originals, which even after 20 years or more, are far better and left lasting impressions.