Cult-Trash-Badass-Cinema -and more…

the fun that is the german trailer for ninja mission….NINJA-in geheimer Mission

Ok, so I read about NINJA MISSION a few months or weeks ago….and made sure to watch it, and even buy a dvd ,

Thats all fine..a really hilariously bad swedish action film…

but the most awesome, jawdropping part came, when i watched the german trailer for it..

I just came across  the site of the guy who made the trailer for the distributor..his first few trailers were  lame, they he made another one..they asked for something that totally hits home..and well..what he presented then, was this..totally ridiculous, but they loved it….funny how the industry works, eh?..and there you are sitting, thinking they would be all serious about their movies…

Im really sorry for all readers, who arent able to understand german…its so jawdroppingly funny, its hard to put into words…

So at least I tried to translate it for you get an idea of just how ridiculous this trailer is…

The breathless, very convincing voice of the german guy who lent his voice for this , speaking those lines..its just too much.. well-known in germany as one of the most ridiculous trailers ever, I felt you deserve at least to get the translation.

So here it goes…german, and then the english translation..with the trailer…

Der Ninja ….kennt keine Furcht… der Ninja kennt keine Zweifel…der Ninja kennt nur die MissionNinja in geheimer Mission….er ist fleischgewordene Kampfkunst in Perfektion…ein Meister der Tarnung und Täuschung…Das letzte Bollwerk der Menscheit gegen die Schrecken des Kommunismus…das ist geheimer Mission…. Das letz­te Boll­werk der Mensch­heit gegen die Schre­cken des Kom­mu­nis­mus.  Ge­wis­sen­lo­se KGB-Agen­ten ver­gnü­gen sich mit per­ver­sen Fol­ter­ex­pe­ri­men­ten. Hier zeigt die So­wjet­uni­on ihre häss­li­che Frat­ze. Nur ein Mann wagt es, sich dem roten Ab­schaum in den Weg zu stel­len, nur einer kann dort hart durchgreifen, wo  sonst jeder internatinale Gerichtshof versagt. Wenn der Ter­mi­na­tor ein Russe wäre, hätte er keine Chan­ce gegen Ninja. Er mäht seine Fein­de nie­der, wie Un­kraut im Gar­ten der Frei­heit. Gna­den­lo­se Nin­ja-Ac­tion für eine bes­se­re Welt. Pa­trio­ten ent­schei­den sich für ‚Ninja in ge­hei­mer Mis­si­on‘“:


The ninja…knows no fear… The ninja knows no doubt The ninja only knows his mission.

Ninja on confidential mission   He embodies martial arts in perfection

A master of camouflage and deception(Oh RYLY?)-black ninja in white snow..

The last bastion of mankind against the horror of communism

Ruthless KGB agents amuse themselves with perverted torture experiments

Here, the Soviet Union shows its ugly grimace  Only one man dares to confront the red scum

Only one man takes drastic action, when elsewhere every other international

court of law fails.

If the terminator would be russian, he would have no chance against.. ninja. (on confidential mission) He mows down his enemies like weeds in the garden of freedom… Merciless ninja –action for a better world… Patriots decide to watch…on confidential mission..(of course=lol…)


2 responses

  1. Direct to Video Connoisseur

    Mein deutsch ist sehr furchtbar. Ich habe zuviel vergessen, das alles zuverstehen. Aber das war sehr schon.

    (Sorry I butchered your language so much. I minored in German in college, but that was ten years ago now. Anyway, that was a sweet video!)

    February 18, 2012 at 4:42 PM

  2. haha, thats cool, you still have some knowledge left in you..
    It sure helped you to get the sillyness of this trailer…thanks for commenting.Any response is greatly appreciated.

    February 18, 2012 at 7:22 PM

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